Family Support

Introduction to Family Support

Support for family members whilst a parent or someone close to them has cancer is very important. This may bring about a wide range of emotional responses in everyone involved. In this introduction, we give some ideas of the areas that you may need to think about before talking to other family members so that you may be better prepared for the questions and reactions they may have. Much of this introduction is written for parents or carers interacting with children or teenagers: however, the ideas may be helpful to consider for conversations with any family member.

Please follow the links to the two pages below to discover a range of support and resources that are available. You know your family members best: consider which may be most appropriate for each person:

• The Macmillan Therapeutic Family Service (Ipswich Hospital) provides emotional and psychological support to children/teenagers and their parents when someone close to them has a cancer diagnosis

• A range of information, resources and organisations providing support that may be helpful for children and teenagers when someone close to them has a cancer diagnosis

Before you consider talking to your child or teenager

First, gather your questions and thoughts. For example
What do you want your child or teenager to know? Do you have all the information you need? Who should have this conversation with your child or teenager? How do you think your child or teenager may react?

Then, when is it best to plan? For example
Is this the right time for you? How are you feeling right now? Is it too late in the day? Are the children around, are you likely to get disturbed? If the conversation is going to involve more than one adult, can all be available?

Gather a pen and paper
Set yourself some quiet time to find the most relevant information you need for your children and teenagers, think about what their emotional reaction might be, and what additional support might be useful to consider at this stage.

Here are some suggestions of areas you may find helpful to consider the following when talking to your children or teenagers. You can find relevant information about these topics in the Information and Resources link.

• Think about the relationships between the child or teenager and you or the person that has the cancer. Which adult or adults would be most appropriate to talk to the child or teenager? Should the person who has a cancer diagnosis be involved in the conversation?

• Think about the ages and personalities of your children or teenagers. If you have more than one child, consider if it may be better to talk to them together or separately.

• Think about each child’s personality. How might they react? Are they likely to ask lots of questions; are they quiet and shy; are they normally emotional, dramatic, cuddly or more likely to go off on their own and need some time to themselves?

• Have they had to cope with anything like this before? If so, how were they then, and what coping mechanisms worked best for them?

• Do they know what cancer is? Do they know someone else who has had cancer? Have they seen anything on TV about cancer? Remember cancer is unique to each person and cannot be compared; they may not realise that.

• Think about how you might respond if you are asked if the person with the cancer diagnosis is going to die. We know from experience of talking to children that this is a question that is often asked.

• Does your child have any additional needs and might they need extra support? If so, we can signpost you to appropriate support.

• Consider how much information you think it may be appropriate to offer to them before each conversation

• Think about having something like a leaflet, book etc that might help them and you to look at while talking to them, or if appropriate, giving them something to take away and look at later. We have provided information about a selections of books that may be helpful. If you are going to provide a leaflet or book, please read it first to make sure you feel it is appropriate for them at the time.